i hate people — Photo by Nurlan Zhaniyar on Unsplash

Hating people (and still wanting friends) doesn’t mean you're crazy, evil, or overly emotional. You’re just human. This is pretty normal, especially if you're introverted or have had bad experiences with others.

It’s like craving ice cream but being lactose intolerant. You want the connection, but the process of dealing with people can be exhausting or annoying. The truth is, you might just need the right kind of people—ones who get you, respect your space, and don’t drain your energy.

Why Do I Feel This Way?

If you find yourself thinking, "I hate everyone," or "I dislike people," you're not alone. Many people struggle with social frustration for reasons such as:

Past Experiences – If you've dealt with betrayal, disappointment, or just too many shallow interactions, it can make you feel like people are exhausting rather than fulfilling. Bad experiences often build walls and make it easier to say "I hate everyone" rather than risk getting hurt again.
Personality Traits – If you're introverted, highly independent, or value deep conversations over small talk, surface-level socializing would feel like a chore. When you're wired to prefer solitude or meaningful connections, everyday interactions can seem dull or even irritating.
Social Burnout – Even if you don’t socialize often, being around people can still drain you. Whether it’s work, family, or just being online too much, constant exposure to human behavior can make you feel like you hate people because you’re overstimulated.

The Human Need for Connection

Even when you hate everyone, there’s still an undeniable pull toward connection. Why? Because humans are wired for relationships, whether we like it or not.

Biology – Our brains release feel-good chemicals (like oxytocin and dopamine) when we form meaningful relationships. Even if you dislike people, your brain still craves those rewards.
Support & Understanding – The right friendships provide emotional support, understanding, and validation. Even if you’re convinced you hate people, finding that rare person who "gets you" can feel like a breath of fresh air.
Happiness & Fulfillment – Studies consistently show that strong social connections improve mental health, longevity, and overall well-being. Even if people annoy you, they can also bring joy, laughter, and meaningful shared experiences.

At the end of the day, feeling both annoyed by people and longing for connection isn’t contradictory; it’s human. You might just need to find the right balance of solitude and socializing, along with people who match your energy and depth.

What to do when you hate everyone (But still want friends)

1. Understand Yourself First

Before diving into friendships, you need to get brutally honest about why you feel like you hate people. What exactly is it that annoys you? Is it small talk? Inconsistency? The way people drain your energy? Or are past experiences making you skeptical about human connections?

Take some time to really notice what triggers your irritation. Maybe you hate forced interactions, but you actually enjoy deep conversations with people who share your interests. Maybe you don’t mind having friends, but you just want space and independence without people taking it personally.

Journaling or just thinking through these feelings can help you identify patterns. Ask yourself: What kind of friendships would actually feel good for me? (For example, do you want casual, low-maintenance friendships or deep, meaningful ones?) And don’t be too harsh about whatever feeling arises. You just need a social setup that works for you.

2. Set Realistic Expectations

You know what sucks? People thinking that friendships should be perfect. The truth is that everyone is annoying sometimes. You will never find a flawless person who never frustrates you, just like you’ll never be a perfect friend either (and that’s okay).

The key is accepting that people will have flaws, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t worth knowing. The goal isn’t to find someone who never irritates you. It’s to find people whose good traits outweigh their bad ones in your eyes.

Instead of expecting people to be perfect, ask yourself: Can I tolerate this person’s flaws in exchange for their good qualities?

Think about friendships like a playlist. Some songs (people) you’ll love. Some songs will be “meh.” Skip the ones that drain you, but don’t expect every song to be a hit.

Decide on your deal-breakers. What are the absolute “no’s” in a friendship for you? (e.g., dishonesty, flakiness, drama?) If someone doesn’t cross those lines, maybe they’re still worth keeping around.

3. Find Like-Minded People

This is the game-changer. You don’t hate everyone if you just haven’t found your people yet. Imagine how different things would feel if you surrounded yourself with people who actually get you instead of people who drain you.

You’re probably not the “let’s go to a random party and network” type. And that’s fine. The best way to make friends without forcing it is to find people through shared interests. That way, the connection is natural.

Join online or in-person communities that focus on things you enjoy (gaming, books, art, fitness, finance, whatever makes you happy). You should also pick quality over quantity. You don’t need 10 friends; just 1 or 2 people who make life better. Let these friendships develop organically. Instead of thinking, I need friends, focus on I want to do things I enjoy and see who naturally vibes with me. Lastly, try non-exhausting social settings. If big groups drain you, look for one-on-one or small group settings where you can actually connect.

4. Create Boundaries

One of the biggest reasons people feel drained by socializing is that they don’t set clear boundaries. If you’re constantly saying yes to things you don’t want to do or feeling obligated to be more social than you actually enjoy, it makes sense why you’d think, I hate everyone.

The trick is to take control of how and when you interact with people. You don’t have to be available 24/7. You don’t have to engage in every conversation. You don’t have to respond instantly. You don’t owe anyone constant access to your energy.

Instead, practice saying no without guilt. (“Hey, I can’t make it this time, but let’s catch up later.”). You should also control your availability. If texting all day drains you, don’t do it. If constant invites stress you out, decline some. Give yourself space after socializing. Plan recovery time after hangouts, so you don’t get overwhelmed. Be upfront about your social limits. If people know you’re not the type to be out every weekend, they’ll stop expecting it.

The right people will respect your boundaries. The wrong people will complain. And that’s how you’ll know who actually deserves to be in your life.

5. Focus on Quality, Not Quantity

Forget about having a big friend group. That’s social media nonsense. Real life is about having the right people, not a lot of people. A handful of solid friends is way better than a ton of surface-level connections.

Look for people who match your energy. You don’t need someone exactly like you, but they should respect your vibe.

Choose friendships that feel easy. If it feels like work to maintain, it’s probably not worth it. Stick to those who add value to your life. If someone makes you feel worse, let them go.

You don’t need a crowd. You just need your people. Even one or two solid friends can make life feel less annoying.

6. Join Activities That Allow Alone Time

This is the perfect balance: you get to be around people without being forced into constant interaction. It’s a win-win because you can socialize if you want to, but you also have a built-in escape if you just want to do your own thing.

Choose hobbies where interaction is optional. Things like painting, hiking, photography, or reading groups let you be around people without having to talk all the time. You should also try co-working or silent meetups. Some groups exist where people just work, read, or create in the same space without unnecessary social pressure.

Lastly, go for “low-pressure” social settings. Something like a casual gaming group or a nature walk is way less exhausting than a loud party or a networking event.

7. Volunteer for a Cause You Care About

Here’s the thing: traditional socializing can feel pointless. Small talk, forced conversations, people talking just to fill the silence—it’s exhausting. But meaningful socializing? That hits different. When you volunteer for something you actually care about, interactions feel real, not fake or forced.

Choose a cause that matters to you. Animals? Kids? The environment? Remember to start small. You don’t have to dive into a major commitment. A few hours a month at a local organization can help you meet people in a natural, no-pressure way.

Remember to let the work do the talking. When you’re focused on doing something meaningful, conversations happen naturally, without the usual social awkwardness.

This way, you’re not just “hanging out,” you’re doing something that matters. And in the process, you’ll meet people who care about the same things you do.

8. Practice Seeing the Good in People

Okay, I know this one might sound cliché, especially if you’ve been let down by people before. But hear me out. When you start noticing small good things—like when someone holds the door open, lets you merge in traffic, or remembers something random you said—you start seeing people as less annoying and more human.

This doesn’t mean you should ignore the fact that some people suck. It just means recognizing that not everyone is awful.

Pay attention to small, positive moments. Remind yourself that most people aren’t out to get you. Some are annoying, sure. But a lot are just… doing their best.

Be with people who show kindness. When you start noticing good things, you naturally gravitate toward people who reflect them.

9. Stay Away from Toxic Environments

If certain places or people make you feel even more like you hate everyone, it’s time to distance yourself. Some environments just aren’t for you, and that’s okay. You’re not obligated to endure toxic people or spaces that drain you.

Notice where you feel the worst especially if a certain friend group, workplace, or online space constantly leaves you feeling irritated. It’s a sign to step back and protect your energy. Cut off or limit contact with people who bring constant negativity, drama, or exhaustion into your life.

The more you avoid toxicity, the easier it is to find peace—and maybe even friendships that don’t make you want to disappear.

10. Consider Therapy or Counseling

Now, before you roll your eyes, hear me out. Therapy isn’t about fixing you, because you’re not broken. It’s about understanding yourself better. If you constantly feel like you hate people, a therapist can help you figure out why and give you tools to navigate social life without losing your sanity.

You don’t have to sit there talking about your childhood trauma if that’s not your thing. Therapy can be more like:

Learning how to set better boundaries so people don’t drain you.
Figuring out why certain social interactions annoy you and how to manage them.
Finding ways to connect with people without feeling fake or exhausted.

Find a therapist who fits your style. If you want straight-up advice, look for a solution-focused therapist. If you prefer deep self-reflection, go for someone who specializes in that.

You can also try online therapy if in-person feels like too much. It’s lower pressure, and you can literally just text or video chat. Think of it like getting a “social strategy coach.” If people stress you out, therapy can help you build a game plan to handle them better.

You’re not weak for needing guidance. Even the smartest, most independent people benefit from an outside perspective.

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11. Pick Hobbies That Involve Others

Making friends as an adult is weird. You don’t just randomly walk up to someone and say, “Hey, wanna be friends?”—that’s not how it works. Instead, friendships tend to form when people do things together regularly.

That’s why picking a hobby that naturally brings people together is a cheat code for making connections without forcing them.

Make sure you choose something structured. A book club, sports league, or cooking class automatically creates reasons for interaction. More importantly, go for something that actually interests you. If you hate sports, don’t force yourself into a soccer league. Choose something you’d enjoy even if no one talked to you.

Lastly, let the friendships happen naturally. Don’t stress about “making friends.” Just show up, do the thing, and over time, you’ll find yourself talking to the same people more often.

Friendships are built through repeated exposure. If you’re around the same people regularly, connections will form without you even trying.

12. Try Relaxation Techniques

Social situations feel way worse when you’re already stressed. If your mind is constantly in overdrive, everything people do is going to seem extra annoying. Learning to chill out a little makes a bigger difference than you’d think.

Breathe. Literally. Deep breathing (like box breathing—inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4) can calm your nervous system before social situations.

Another thing is to move your body. Exercise, stretching, or even just a short walk can help shake off built-up stress before or after social interactions.

Lastly, do something calming before socializing. If you’re about to be around people, listen to music, meditate, or do something relaxing beforehand so you’re not already on edge.

More so, give yourself permission to leave. If a social setting is too much, you don’t have to stay. Knowing you have an exit plan can make socializing feel less overwhelming.

The goal isn’t to suddenly love people; it’s just to make being around them less stressful.

13. Ease into Socializing

If you’ve been asking yourself, why do I dislike people so much?, chances are, socializing feels exhausting or overwhelming. The key here is not to dive into big, high-energy social settings right away. Instead, ease into it. Start small. A quick chat with a barista, a short conversation with a coworker, or even just responding to messages more often can help.

Make sure you observe first. If jumping into conversations isn’t your thing, just be there and listen—sometimes, that’s enough.

Never force yourself to be social. Take it one step at a time, so you don’t feel like you’re drowning in people when you’re not ready.

14. Remember the Good Moments

It’s easy to get stuck in the "why do I hate humans?" mindset, especially if you’ve had bad experiences. But think back: has there ever been a time when socializing actually felt good? Maybe a deep conversation, a fun moment, or a time when you felt seen by someone?

If yes, remind yourself that not every social interaction sucks. There have been good ones, even if they’re rare. Then, recreate what worked. If you once had a great time at a small game night but hated big parties, stick to smaller gatherings.

Lastly, notice when people are being decent. If you’re always expecting people to be annoying, you’ll only notice the bad. Shift your focus a little, and you might see some good moments. You don’t have to love everyone, but realizing that not every interaction is awful can help shift your perspective.

15. Enjoy Your Alone Time Too

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, why do I dislike everyone?, part of the reason might be that social expectations make you feel like you have to be social all the time. But the truth is, you don’t. Alone time is just as important as socializing, and there’s nothing wrong with preferring solitude.

You need to embrace alone time without guilt. You don’t need to be surrounded by people to be happy or successful. Use your solitude for things you love. Reading, creating, gaming, exercising, whatever makes you feel good.

Remember that balance is key. Too much socializing is draining. Too much isolation can get lonely. Find your own rhythm. At the end of the day, you don’t have to choose between hating people and wanting connection. You can have both, you just need to find the balance that works for you.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve ever asked yourself, why do I hate everyone but still want friends?, know that you’re not alone. Some people genuinely drain you. Some people just don’t click with your energy. And that’s okay.

You don’t have to change who you are. You don’t have to suddenly love people. But by setting your own pace, protecting your energy, and choosing the right interactions, you can build a life that feels a little less frustrating—and maybe even more awesome.

Keep being you. The right people will respect that.

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